Author of his newest book, 'Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life: Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth', James P. Krehbiel shared his thoughts and how he came to write this book today on Lon Woodbury's Internet Talk Radio Show:
Parent Choices for Struggling Teens on
LATalkRadio.
After working in schools as a guidance counselor and teacher for over 30 years, James changed direction of his course, became a therapist and soon noticed that his adult clients "felt stuck and were haunted by past behaviors, whereas old patterns and scripts from childhood were coming into play in their own parenting strategies." He saw that underlying core beliefs (Often childhood magical illusions) needed to be addressed, and that these patterns and responses came from growing up in a dysfunctional family. "Habits that are deep and yet they keep having poor results, Lon agreed."
James works with clients on how to respond to "core wounds and core feelings or scars" in the here and now. "My job is to help these people feel the full emotional impact of their ordeal instead of continuing their ineffective coping strategies." To further this discussion, Lon asked James to define what he means by the "Magical Illusion" that these parents hold on to. In response, James shared that clients would rather cling to the illusion that their parents will morph into the super parents they always wanted and they will continue to perform and please to get this result. Furthermore, they will replicate or fix the relationships they go into as a continuance of these old patterns. "Processing is the key to overcoming trauma. Some of the behaviors to overcome include self doubt, avoidance of conflict, passive aggressive, loss of self confidence, wanting to continually please others and even addictions."
Triumph at Life, James explained, is when these "adults learn to let go of these past hurts and learn to express their feelings, assert themselves, to feel empowered, to forgive themselves and to live in the moment by mindfulness, learning to relax their bodies and the use of meditation." At which point they can truly parent effectively. Areas in which to do so include being involved and spending time with their kids, nurturing, comforting and soothing their kids when they are upset and having a hard time, genuinely encouraging them, exploring issues with them and coaching them. "Discipline doesn't have to be punitive, shared James. Consequences should be logical and parents need to remember to reinforce the behavior when they are doing the right thing. Unfortunately we sometimes tend to become punitive and get into power struggles." Or as Lon so eloquently put it "Instead, pick your battles!"
To listen to the full interview go to:
Healing From the Battle Scars of Youth on
LATalkRadio
Also available in Podcast 
Lon Woodbury is the owner/founder of Woodbury Reports Inc. and www.strugglingteens.com. He has worked with families and struggling teens since 1984 and is the host of Parent choices for Struggling Teens on LATalkRadio Mondays at 12:00 Noon, Pacific Time, Channel One.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed S, LPC, CCBT is an author, freelance writer, licensed counselor and nationally certified cognitive behavioral therapist. James is a member of the National Mental Health Counselor's Association and the National Association of Cognitive Behavioral Therapists. His books include: Stepping Out of the Bubble: Reflections on the Pilgrimage of Counseling Therapy and Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life: Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth.
This segment of Parent Choices for Struggling Teens was sponsored by Grand River Academy,
www.grandriver.org, a transition boarding school for boys in NE Ohio.