The author is one of the most highly respected leaders/writers in the Alternative Education movement. As a consequence, to understand one of the major threads of thought in the alternative education movement, a person should understand something of the ideas of Alfie Kohn.

This book focuses on two concepts of parenting. His critique is that conditional parenting is what is wrong with much parenting that goes on in this country. He asserts the research suggests this approach makes children less altruistic, less confident and self-centered. Conditional Parenting is parenting with rewards and punishments, a system based on behavioral modification ideas pioneered by B. F. Skinner. The author makes little distinction between parenting that emphasizes punishment and that which emphasizes rewards. Although he claims some of the reactions from the child might differ, the same problem exists from both punishment and rewards, that the children do something for somebody else rather than for themselves or for the intrinsic value of the activity. He asserts a child raised on these "behavioral modification" principles will tend to grow up to have a weaker sense of right and wrong. And the commonality of all these approaches is conditional love, that is, love is withdrawn or threatened to be withdrawn (either by implication or direct action) by the parent unless the child does what the parent wants. He advises: "Punishments and rewards are never advisable and never necessary."

He criticizes most parenting books for focusing on the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" The important question, Kohn insists, is "What do kids need-and how can we meet those needs?" He then follows that through with his thoughts on unconditional love which he sees as working with children rather than doing things to them. But at root, Kohn asserts that children should never have reason to doubt their parents' love, and that even when they make mistakes or act in challenging ways, they will know that their parents still accept and love them. He suggest this can be done by interacting with no strings attached, as much as possible interact with children with a positive attitude, avoid threats or bribes, and focus on helping children practice making decisions rather than making decisions for them. The basic idea behind this is to always keep in mind the child's perspective, rather than the parents coming from just their own perspective and what they think the child needs to do. This doesn't remove the need for the parents to direct and step in and take charge when necessary, according to the author, but a parent can better meet a child's needs by supporting their decision-making rather than simply tell the child what to do.

As the front cover describes the book, this is "A provocative challenge to the conventional wisdom about discipline." If a parent thoughtfully reads this book, it will put standard ideas about parenting to the test.