Second Chance for Underachieving Boys

Today on Parent Choices for Struggling Teens, the guests included Sam Corabi, Director of Admissions for Grand River Academy in Ohio and John Schrom, Founder of Schrom Boy's Home in Idaho. Together they joined Lon Woodbury in discussing 'Second Chances for Underachieving Boys' and how today's young men are lacking direction, feeling unconnected, working below their potential in school and needing a second chance at success.

Children critically need parental interaction. However, due to today's economy both parents often need to work out of the home to support the needs of the family. The result is a loss of time spent with the children, especially sons.

"Kids don't learn the values because both parents are busy having to work," Sam explained. In addition to working parents he added the components of divorce and mass education. He continued, "With both the breakdown of the family unit and large public schools where there is a lack of attention on boys, boys are frustrated and angry."

John added, "Our boys are growing up with either no male influence or a poor male role model and so the boys we work with often come in and look to me as a father figure, responsible to teach those important moral values males need. It takes a man to teach a boy to be a man."

Agreeing, Sam also interjected, "Sometimes they need a strong female influence too, to teach them how to treat women respectfully and exercise common everyday manners." In addition to lack of parental involvement, Sam explained, "technology is also taking over as teacher and social skills are being made via text messaging and Facebook and gaming rather than personal connections. Boys are missing their "online friends," with whom they really have no real connection."

When asked what it is a boy needs, both Sam and John felt the number one factor these boys need is safety-both physical and emotional, as well as a sense of purpose and accomplishment. They need to feel that they matter and are respected, so they can learn healthy boundaries and at the same time feel good about themselves.

"When they feel safe, then they open up and talk," John shared. "Many times issues of abuse come out." He continued, "The boys we work with can be extremely sensitive to being the victims of bullying. Besides the physical bullying and intimidation there can be some very subtle forms: a look or a comment that can be devastating."

When asked what the differences were between raising boys and girls, John thought boys had more success in learning through doing. "They are task oriented, hands on learners," he explained. "They need to know boundaries and when they cross them, how that impacts other people. In addition, they tend to be more narcissistic and focused on themselves."

Sam elaborated on his view of the differences between boys and girls. "When we are raising boys and girls, we tend to try to raise them as unisex at first. We treat them the same and expect the same from them. But we do have to let girls be girls and boys be boys at a young age. As they develop, that is the time to teach manners and fairness. Unfortunately we don't tend to treat boys as boys and girls as girls and that's probably the biggest difference."

Both guests agreed that boys tended to need more guidance and structure. They also need to be taught manners, to be aware of others and their feelings, and to be taught about respect both for others and themselves. They also tend to blame others for what happens and are often lost when it comes to 'cause and effect'.

The young men who attend a program, such as Schrom Boy's Home, learn to work with their issues and attend school, while also living in a small family like setting. This allows them to receive much needed one-on-one time. They come to Schrom so defensive. They often feel that the world has judged them, their parents have judged them, school has judged them, and they take on the victim stance and need to learn different communications and relationships and how what they are doing creates their life. After a completion from this type of program, boys often successfully move on to a college prep boarding school, like Grand River Academy.

When a boy interviews at Grand River Academy, they ask where the boy has been, not so that they can judge his mistakes, but so they can help him to be successful. At Grand River Academy, the focus is on academics. Structure and dedicated teachers and staff are available, who can build or continue to build the relationships with the students to give that one-on-one success with the academic component.

Often two programs will work in tandem as a boy will begin with a Schrom Boys Home type of program and then transition to a program like Grand River Academy. These are just two of the many schools but which are obviously on different ends of the structure spectrum.

To listen to the full interview go to: Second Chance For Underachieving Boys on LATalkRadio.

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Lon Woodbury is the owner/founder of Woodbury Reports Inc. and www.strugglingteens.com. He has worked with families and struggling teens since 1984 and is the host of Parent Choices for Struggling Teens on LATalkRadio Mondays at 12:00pm, Pacific Time, Channel One.

Sam Corabi has been the Director of Admissions at Grand River Academy in Ohio for the past ten years and has been in education for 30 years. Prior to his work at Grand River, Sam taught and coached both high school and college level courses.

John Schrom, founder of Schrom Boy's Home in Idaho, has a degree in Psychology from the University of Notre Dame and a Master's in Science degree in Educational Psychology from Cal State Northridge. Prior to opening Schrom Boy's Home, John served as a Clinical Director and Executive School Director for over 25 years, specializing in treating adolescents and their families in residential settings.