The Young Adults Path to Independence

On today's Parent Choices for Struggling Teens radio show, Pamela Broker, Director and owner of Milestones for Young Adults: a young adult transition program in Coeur d'Alene, ID, joined Lon Woodbury and his co-host Liz McGhee to discuss the issues surrounding our young adult children's complete satisfaction in staying at home…their parents' home, rather than taking the steps toward their own independence.

If the definition of independence includes such phrases as: maturity, working, making your own way, contributing to society or taking on responsibility…then what is causing our "failure to launch" young adults to sit tight and live off of Mom and Dad? Pamela summed it up in one nice and tidy sentence: "They are comfortable where they are - why would they do something different? They get money (allowance) a roof over their head, a warm bed, and tasty meals and sometimes, even maid service (courtesy of Mom)." For some young adults, the thought of moving out and moving on with life can be scary or they may have an overwhelming sense of hopelessness, especially if they are being raised by a "helicopter parent" who will often see how much their child struggles and will rescue them, rather than let them fail or as Pamela puts it- hit the pavement.

There are several suggestions (or "tools" as Pamela refers to) that parents can use to help move through this journey their young adult children are on:

Parent's- what are you going to put your energy into? Keep it basic
Give them the ball ( as a wise parent once said" if you want your kid in the game-give them the ball)
Their chaos is not my chaos"
There are resources out there to help
When your child calls and they have run out of money: "That's unfortunate-what are you going to do about it? (put it back on them)
Let your kids know that you have a life (most kids don't realize their parents have an active life)
As parents, both mom and dad need to present themselves as a united team and present a "Bottom Line" to their child. An example: "This is not your home, this is my home. Or your bottom line can be- "you have to either get a job or go to school and there will be NO drugs here." And if they try to engage you in negotiating with your bottom line…take a pause and repeat your Bottom Line.

"There are resources out there to help, such as life coaches that can help that child get them into a pattern of healthy life." Small successes build up. "Success breeds success" is my motto says Pamela. Reach out to aunts and uncles for help, perhaps in letting them live with them to get them motivated by hearing someone else say the same things you have been saying. There are young adult programs out there that each have a different intensity. Go on the internet…there are sites devoted to helping parents. Just remember…it is a process and a journey."

Lon presented Pamela with the number one question: Is there hope for the parents? And Pamela, the daughter of a preacher and a woman who has devoted her career to working with families, replied "Lon, when you asked me that question a smile broke upon my face…yes there is. It is important to create people in their children's lives that will grant influence in their lives."

To listen to the full interview, go to The Young Adult's Path to Independence on LATalkRadio.
Also available in Podcast

Lon Woodbury is the owner/founder of Woodbury Reports, Inc. and www.strugglingteens.com. He has worked with families and struggling teens since 1984 and is the host of Parent Choices for Struggling Teens.

Elizabeth McGhee is the Director of Admissions and Referral Relations at Sandhill Child Development Center and has over 19 years' of clinical, consulting and referral relations experience to her position and is the co-host.

Pamela Broker is the owner and Executive Director of Milestones for Young Adults, a young adult transition program. Having worked with teens, young adults and their families for numerous years, Pamela has worked at six different programs in the Northwest as the Admissions Director before her founding of Milestones.

We are excited to announce that we have several openings for on-air sponsorship during our show on LA TALK Radio: Parent Choices for Struggling Teens. If you are interested in reserving some air time to promote your school, program or services, contact Kristie Campbell at kristie@woodbury.com or 208-267-5550

If you know somebody (including yourself) who would make a good guest on our show and might be interested, contact Lon at If you know somebody (including yourself) who would make a good guest on our show and might be interested, contact Lon at lonwoodbury@gmail.com or 208-267-5550. or 208-267-5550.

Attention:

The following eBooks by Lon Woodbury are available on Amazon.com:

Part 1 - The Introduction to the Parent Empowerment Handbook

Part 2 - Single Sex Schools

Part 3 - Wilderness Therapy and Outdoor Education