The 7 Traits of Real Men

On today's Parent Choices for Struggling Teens, parenting expert and founder of the parenting website "Mocha Dad" spoke with Lon Woodbury about the traits real men have as opposed to the stereotypical ones portrayed by TV sitcoms as a bungling buffoon whose wife is in charge. In fact, Fred started his popular fatherhood website- Mocha Dad, to chronicle his life as a real dad and wanted to give his reader's a first-hand account of a dad who is intimately involved in his children's lives. He also uses his blog to help motivate other men to be actively engaged and involved with their children, families, spouse and communities.

Having grown up without a Dad, Fred looked for advice and information on Dad parenting himself when he became a father. "There just wasn't anything out there strictly for fathers, so he started his own. With over 23,000 visits a month, this blog is striking a chord with other fathers out there. Fred's best advice for dads- spend time with your children! They will know that they really matter to you. And kids are seeking this out, this sense of belonging and nurturing they aren't getting from their dads. Girls are looking in the wrong places and the boys are just floundering."

The 7 traits of real men that Fred has identified include:

Integrity- a real man is who you are at all times and says what he means and means what he says. Being a man of your word. If you make a promise, then do it! Don't compromise your integrity. For those kids out there that don't have a connection with anybody, the gang leader becomes the father. Parents have to make that safe environment at home where kids can trust and connect.

Compassion- means going out of your way to help others and show love and care deeply. Compassion affects change in other people's lives.

Confidence- (not to be confused with arrogance, which is easy to cross that line) but rather being aware of who you are and being self-assured. Carrying a quiet composure and not tearing people down to build yourself up. A real man stands tall and is consistent. And our children want to see that their parents are confident and doing the right thing, thereby teach by example.

Self-control- (for many it is easy to go down this path) but you must guard your heart, tame your desires and tame your energy into positive results. As Lon puts it eloquently: Grow Up! As far as anger issues arise, it is easy to react, but take a step back and respond appropriately.

Perseverance- a man has to have the strength to get through difficult circumstances and persevere. And when your kids become teens and going through that difficult stage, continue to love and commit to your child, help them and guide them. We need to show our children to not give up and that you can make it through the other side. This can also be applied to your marriage. "I tell my friends that your wedding day is your first day of marriage and hard times will come. Take care of the small things so they don't grow into the big things."

Courage- stand up to what's right and do something about it. A man needs to have the ability to say- I believe in this and your kids are watching you- you have to have the courage to stand up for your beliefs. Stand up for your family in difficult circumstances. Stand up for your spouse and other people.

Humility- most guys are concerned about themselves- Look at Me- I am awesome! And guys like to "one up" other guys. But by being humble you don't have to brag about yourself. You bring up others and then your kids see that it's not always about "me". Apologizing to your children and your spouse- you have to do it, you have to correct the mistake.

In summing up, Lon asked Fred "how do men acquire these traits?" and simply put Fred explained some steps in doing so:

Examine ourselves- what type of man do you want to be and figure out what steps to make to gain the ones you are lacking. "None of us is perfect, we just need to be a better version or ourselves. Our kids need to see the growth in us, so that they can grow also."

To listen to the full interview, go to The 7 Traits of Real Men on LATalkRadio.
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Lon Woodbury is the owner/founder of Woodbury Reports, Inc. and www.strugglingteens.com. He has worked with families and struggling teens since 1984 and is the host of Parent Choices for Struggling Teens.

Frederick J. Goodall is from Houston, Texas, graduated from Howard University in Washington, DC and has 20 years of management experience at a Fortune 500 company. Fred has been married to his college sweetheart for over 15 years and is the proud parent of three children. Fred also mentors boys (middle school ages) and "helps them navigate the landscape of our culture."