Childhood Unbound

February 3, 2014

What do children in the 21st century need to feel happy and confident? What are the new parenting strategies for raising children and teens in 2014? What new techniques can parents use to stop the endless negotiating? How to create enforceable limits and yet create 'character' at the same time? And how can families ease the stress during these tough times? Today on Parent Choices for Struggling Teens, Dr. Ron Taffel, author of "Childhood Unbound: Authoritative Parenting for the 21st Century" joined host, Lon Woodbury to discuss these issues.

"Kids are different now (as compared to when we grew up) because the world is different, and with this general progression, parents have different beliefs and have difficulty in setting limits. When we were kids there was privacy�kids now don't hold back, they talk about everything. And as kids, we would never dream of back talking our parents, but parents today would rather have their kid's back talk and say things to them rather than cut off communication. Kids are good at negotiating and parents want them to stand up for themselves rather than being a follower. A lot is coming from the culture and parents- we love our kids and yet we want to be more effective and authoritative, but our beliefs and culture get in the way. Parents want to do better."

Taffel explained that this is the "free-est generation"� in that our kids have a lot of new pressures compared to prior childhoods and with access to the technological world, they are more tolerant, they are talking to more people, they think about things, what He calls "relational ethics", and they are more casual towards their parents. Yet with freedom comes a price: anxiety (which affects the whole family), too many choices and a fluidity to who and what they can be, that can make it a harder challenge for parents. Kids have a deeper relationship with their peers (what Taffel calls "Second family") and are afraid of missing out, so that is why they stay "connected" through social media until they go to bed, or even later.

However, even with all of their wanting space and independence, kids still like to spend time with their parents, like maybe watching a weekly TV show. They still want that connection with their parents. They also want that attention undivided - with Mom and Dad listening to them, without the parents having a million other things on their minds. "They want to be heard when they want to be heard."

Some tips that Dr. Ron has for parents include:

Looking for and recognizing the "in-between" times to spend with your child for great communication benefit - perhaps while on a drive to school and back.
Be a good listener and help your kid tell the story of what happened
Ask questions- get them to describe exactly what happened
Be involved and really listen to your kids without lecturing or reacting.
Don't interrupt or teach or lecture them.

Lon asked how families can reduce the stress, and Dr. Ron believes families need to have "rituals". "Rituals create comfort. Like having dinner together�talk about your day too. Participate in religious holidays and going to church. Celebrate birthdays�all of your birthdays. Get outside and have physical fun. Take a walk, go to a park. Hang out and chill with your kids as a family. Build upon the "in- between times."

To listen to the full interview, go to Childhood Unbound: Authoritative Parenting for the 21st Century on LATalkRadio.
Also available in Podcast

Lon Woodbury is the owner/founder of Woodbury Reports, Inc. and www.strugglingteens.com. He has worked with families and struggling teens since 1984 and is the host of Parent Choices for Struggling Teens.

Dr. Ron Taffel is the author of Childhood Unbound: Authoritative Parenting for the 21st Century, in addition to 7 other parenting books and over a hundred articles on child rearing. He consults to schools and community organizations nationwide, serves as Chair of the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy and has a private practice in New York.

We are excited to announce that we have several openings for on-air sponsorship during our show on LA TALK Radio: Parent Choices for Struggling Teens. If you are interested in reserving some air time to promote your school, program or services, contact Kristie Campbell at kristie@woodbury.com or 208-267-5550

If you know somebody (including yourself) who would make a good guest on our show and might be interested,

Contact Lon at lonwoodbury@gmail.com or 208-267-5550

Upcoming shows:

February 10:
Nicole Shelton, Med, MS- Advocate Consultant

February 17:
Dr. Laura Kastner, PhD- author- "Getting to Calm: Cool Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens

February 24:
Melissa Morrell-Director of Expressive Arts at La Europa- "Talking to a Digital Native"

March 1:
Nancy Rose- author- "Raise the Child You've Got, Not the One You Want"

Attention:

The following books are available on Amazon.com:

Part 1 - The Introduction to the Parent Empowerment Handbook

Part 2 - Single Sex Schools

Part 3 - Wilderness Therapy and Outdoor Education