In rehabilitating a child or adolescent, the child needs to be in an environment where the teachers/ counselors understand the concept of healing an emotionally stunted child. You will heal, for example, only when you begin to re-discover your best- or natural-self; the self that you started out as. You learn things you thought you were incapable of and more importantly you begin to rid yourself of the irrational and dysfunctional belief systems. You come to believe in yourself again. You develop your own aptitudes, interests, ideas, traits, intellect, talents and skills based on what you want to do and want to become. You accomplish things uninfluenced by what others told you that you "ought to become," "ought to believe," "should do," "must do," etc. in order to be a success in life.

Self-worth is not external. A person cannot achieve self-worth through monetary or material means. It is intrinsic; the values, traits, interests, intellect, skills, aptitudes and abilities are all within you. If you develop normally, you achieve your true potential or self-actualization. Of course, not many people ever achieve this level, but you come closer to it once you become totally in touch with whom you truly are and once you are rid of the irrational and dysfunctional beliefs, thoughts and ideas you were "mis" taught while growing up. Blaming others for your dysfunction, however, is not the answer. For example, everybody, including parents and family members, taught you based on their own irrational and dysfunctional belief systems formed by what they were taught by others.

It does not matter what stage in life a person is, you have done the best you could based on where you were at the time emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, etc. Therefore, it is best for you to let go of the past and accept that you have done your best. When you gain new knowledge, you change. You learn from past mistakes and as you begin to accept yourself, you also begin to accept others and realize that others have done the best that they could as well. You also quit rating and judging self and others, focusing more on your own self-realized potentials, intellects, interests, talents, etc.

Discovering the Child Self:
The child self is still within the adolescent or child and even into adulthood. Each person still has the same pure child within that was happy, carefree, and able to function with no concern for other people's opinions. It was those opinions and ideas that took you away from being the happy and carefree child who was loving, caring, gracious, grateful, giving, courteous, respectful and forgiving. Resentments, anger, disrespect and meanness were learned, but the child is born to be happy with all it takes to grow up to be a person capable of taking care of self independently of others.

In order to begin repairing the emotionally stunted child, you need to adopt a new philosophy about life: "Another's opinion of me is none of my business." You cannot please everyone all the time anyway, and if you go through life bending and shaping to other people's opinions, you will always be unhappy.

Here are some tips to help in developing the Child Self:

• Do something for yourself


• Be good to yourself


• Accept yourself for who you are


• Quit beating yourself up over the past


• Use the information you obtain through experience


• Believe in yourself. If you do not believe in yourself, you will not change.


• Re-Program yourself and rid yourself of irrational and dysfunctional beliefs, thoughts and ideas that lead to your mental distress and makes you unhappy, powerless or inadequate

Parents, the best advice is to help your child re-discover their best self, which is where they started out, when they were happy, loving and carefree little children. Your child is good and always has been. He or she may have had bad behaviors, but he or she is not a bad person. Your child may have failed at some things, but he or she is not a failure. They will not grow out of their current behaviors, attitudes, etc. unless their irrational and dysfunctional beliefs are repaired.

You may feel you have not been as good a parent as you would like to have been, but you have most likely done the best you could. You are not a bad parent and you are not a failure. So, stop beating yourself up and get your child the help that he or she needs.

If you are at wits end with your child and you want them to truly overcome the problems they are having, by all means, find them a good emotional growth and experiential learning school with teachers and others who understand the items discussed in this series. It is highly recommended that you contact a reputable educational consultant to help you help your child. You will also benefit by putting the past behind you and you will be so surprised and happy to see the return of your happy and healthy child who has a good sense of self, self-respect, respect for others and respect for resources. With the right emotional growth school or program your child can catch up emotionally and intellectually, and then begin a fresh journey we call life. And life is good. It is meant to be self-fulfilling and happy.

Author's Note: I worked in an Outdoor Therapeutic Program for about eight years. For the first two years of this experience, I did 10-day short-term wilderness trips with adolescents from youth detention centers, psycho-educational programs, alcohol and drug treatment programs, and from state adolescent psychiatric hospitals. These 10-day trips were evaluated and studied by clinical psychologist doctoral students based on pre- and post-trip assessments over a two-year period. The students went along on the trips and their finding was that these 10-day intensive Outdoor Therapeutic trips had better outcomes and were more effective than three years of traditional group therapy in an outpatient setting. The structure and consistency in a reputable emotional growth/ experiential learning environment is the key to success.

About the Author: This is the third of a three-part series by Jerome Ennis, MEd, Tuscaloosa, AL 35406. For more information, he can be contacted by phone at 205-523-1967 or via e-mail at jeromeennis@aol.com or marvin.ennis@va.gov