Shopping for holiday gifts for your program child can challenge the most seasoned of holiday shoppers. We live in a land of plenty where our senses are continually bombarded with advertising of all things shiny and new. Yet, you are determined to do right by your child and adhere to your program guidelines, which generally translate to simple basics in limited amounts. There are sound, practical reasons your staff put those guidelines in place. Everything from working with their charges to get them past their 'sense of entitlement', which works in opposition to a healthy balanced life, to the mere fact that storage space is very limited, and the practical issues for potential theft or loss no matter where you go. Adhering to those set guidelines though is often an emotional challenge to parents. After all, the standard for showing how much you care, for the most part, has become bigger, better and more expensive then last year. In kind, the kids' 'wish lists' grow longer and more expensive with each passing year. But in reality, those kinds of things eventually break, wear out or become outdated. Case in point: technology - where six months is old news. So consider giving something of meaning; something that will last and be in alignment with your program guidelines and your family goals of healing. Something your child can discover meaning in for years to come. Here are a few ideas that I've gathered over the years. Some were mine and some were shared from other families whose child has been away at the holidays. These are a few of my favorite things.

Family photo album: A small photo album, the kind that holds 4 x6 photos, works great. Include photos of just of your family and maybe the family pet(s), but just of your family. Don't include their friends. Make this a family memory--maybe pictures of activities or events your family has done since they've been at the program. Maybe include some pictures of them when they were little kids or photos of other family holidays. Times that you know your child enjoyed.

This is your life: Everyone loves to hear about themselves. It's just part of what makes us human. Share some written memories about when they were little--some funny stories and fun memories. Maybe when you were pregnant with them; what your thoughts were when you held them for the very first time; first time they sat on Santa's lap; first day of school; some funny quirk when they were a toddler. Hearing your heart's thoughts about times they were too young to remember will have meaning for them and perhaps give them new insight into you. Each family member could write their own letter, sharing their own stories and fun, special memories. Put them in a special box or in a notebook you decorate. Something they can keep and re-read and connect with that part of themselves that makes them special.

Exchange names: Many families have the tradition of exchanging names for gift buying at the holidays. A twist on that would be instead of buying gifts, to write a special letter or note to that person. The siblings of program kids often get lost in the shuffle with so much focus put on and/or demanded from their brother or sister who is away at treatment. Exchanging names for creating some of these special memory books is a way to balance the attention. After all, they like hearing the special stories and remembrances their mom, dad and siblings have about them too.

Give yourself permission: It's unrealistic to expect you can get through the holidays without your heartstrings being pulled. And putting together these kinds of gifts can bring those feelings to the surface. But instead of fighting them, give yourself permission to feel them. Feel them, deal with them, get through them and make them work for you. What we resist persists. If you feel overwhelmed, give yourself permission to have a good old-fashioned cry. Let it out and get it over with, but set a time limit. If you're feeling really blue, make a deal with yourself that you have so much time to wallow in it; no more then say 24-hours. A good cry can be very cathartic but dragging it out will make you and everyone else around you miserable. If you do it, do it for the purpose of making it work for you. Allow it to help keep you focused on the bigger picture - your family's healing process. Keep dialed in to your goals and dreams that can become a reality if you will do your part in what it takes.

Even though your child is away at the holidays, this still can be the most meaningful and important holiday of your family's life. Remember, you always have the choice to decide what you're going to make of it. Make this holiday one that you will look back on with warmth and pride, not because it was easy, but because you chose to create meaning for you and for your family.

About the author:
Glenda Gabriel, Glenda@corebb.com is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. In addition to being the mother of a program graduate, she's worked for many years developing vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools. Glenda is the Content and Development Director for Core Solutions. www.CoreBB.com, Everett, WA, 370-333-3193